We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
