Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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