rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
