lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
