I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I love having hate sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
