frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
