dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
