the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
