I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
