the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
