Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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