It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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