just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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