Porn is love you can see.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sober January is a disaster.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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