do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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