Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
