SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
