I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
