Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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