Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
