I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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