I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
