Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
