You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
