Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
