I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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