that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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