And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
