Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
