hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
