I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
