four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
