I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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