So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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