If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
