nut hugger
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
