My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
