First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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