just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
