Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
