wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
