but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
