a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
