He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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