Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
