I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
