I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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