i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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