I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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