Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
