nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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