look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
