You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
