You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
