And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Its about making memories worth repressing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
