I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
