in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
